SDTW Look Books Are For Assholes

And where in the fuck are you climbing off to homie?

Did you leave your palmade up on the roof?

Is there a fucking Vampire Weekend show up there that only you and the guy from the Apple commercials knows about?

Are these "mercantile" brands that oblivious? Like never in the history of life has a dude with that fucking hair cut ever climbed an "urban" ladder to work unless his job was to find a place to do key bumps.

Outta here = da fuck out

Hey cuz, I mustache you a question.

Why are you a fucking asshole dude?

You trying to win the Guinness Book Of World Records for being the biggest wimp of all time?

You look like when my girlfriend put's on my work shirt and tie and uses her hair to pretend she is a business man dawg. You are now the King Of Isapussy. You rule your domain with an iron limp wrist. I don't think you could even piss sitting down. You probably lay down when you have to pee.

And why the in the fuck are you looking down? Is there a copy of Catcher In The Rye on the ground?

Sub-note:

If you've been wondering why there is less of my prestigious op-ed pieces and more just internet shit it is because there is a project in the works.

Until the shit is ready for print I am not going to gas you all up, but be on the look for

PRESTIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE

Dropping 20 motherfucking 12

SDTW Look Books Are For Assholes

Meanwhile.......

At Hogwarts there is a lookbook photo shoot going down for some mysterious sneaker lifestyle brand.

I only can guess that the description will read something like:

"The haunting memory of craftsmanship from an eerie time before."

Like how you gonna put something that cost $78 dollars inside a castle that cost 4.7 million euros and act like they are on the same team?

That's like pulling up in a Maybach and stepping out rocking fucking JNCO's. This is like having a girlfriend that looks like Natalie Portman but has the pussyhole stretch of Pam Anderson. In other words it is not a good strategy to play "which one of these does not belong?" with consumers.

I can gurantee the Duke of WherevaTheFuckThatIs-ylvania is not walking around in a pair of these contemporary sub luxury Jordan knockoffs. That dude is probably wearing loafers made out of lamb anus that were soaked in baby shark's tears.

Oh and which one of these kicks is the collabo yall did with Voldemort?

That's the homie btw.

And that is all I really gots to say bout this right chea.

SDTW Look Books Are For Assholes

Come the fuck on.

I would rather finger Whoopi Goldberg on ecstasy than have to have wear that outfit in public.

And someone let you guys have a photoshoot next to their van without throwing bottles at you? How?

Ah, Europe. This shit has to be from Europe. I should have known by looking at that pig nosed model. I don't even really know what to say about this one. It just doesn't make sense. What is that outfit?

It looks like something you'd wear if you were plotting to gay rape a dude at an Ace Of Bass show. It is gay rape camouflage.

That's a thing now?

Gay Rape Camoflage is now a thing apparently.

Welp, I guess my whole closet is obso-fucking-lete now.

Damn.

SDTW Look Books Are For Assholes

Okay, let's say I buy into this whole "mountain man" motif you guys are pitching here.

I have climbed zero mountains in my life, but science and common sense both tell me that cargo sweat pants are not going to fucking cut it at that elevation player.

Oh and not to be a stickler for accuracy, but what the fuck is the point of a map with no fucking information on it?

Where you planning this ambitious and fashionable expedition to? Nowhereistan? Guessafornia?

Oh and what's that you got there? Luggage? The fuck you need luggage for? You gonna play dress up at 5,000 ft too?

This whole shit is some serious limp wristed REI swag jack to the tenth power.

This wouldn't even have caught made my radar if you were wearing said kit in front of a coffee shop because that is a part of my daily RSISD or my "Retarded Shit I See Daily" quota for those of you not in the know.

I'd rather see 10 juggalos than one fucking wannabe Wherpa (white sherpa).

Happy Friday.