SDTW Shurt Feelings #4

Xmas comes early.

I didn't even feel like doing this, but since it's nearly Xmas and I'm not giving you shit and YOU ungrateful motherfucks certainly didn't get me anything I will just be the bigger person and do some shurt feelings for yall. Just so you know I am starting this at 11:51 a.m on some timed shit.

You know the drilly.

Pick a shirt. Say some shit.

Why is her butt hole covered? I ask that because just by looking at you dude, I am 1000 percent sure that you like buttholes. Specifically, butt holes. Good thing 10 Deep covered up her "icky" pussy. Don't want to look at that thing, do ya guy?

Yeah, I watched Cocaine Cowboys too dawg. Guess what? At no point during the movie did I whip out my phone and go "Lemme see if someone made a drug dealer graphic tee that allows me to visually express my drug documentary cinema collection?" You know why? Cause I'm not an asshole that thinks I can trick people into thinking I'm a bad ass by wearing a t shirt with a bad ass on it. Using that logic, when I see some fat fuck wearing a Flash shirt I shouldn't challenge him to a foot race? Dumb.

Again with the money! It isn't old or young and it certainly does not need to come home and rest its fucking eyes. Why is it that people always want to proclaim their financial status on a FUCKING T SHIRT? It makes a lot more sense to make said proclamation by having a nice car, house, a tailored suit, fancy watch and consensual sex with women that are visibly out of your league. Just saying. People will pick up the hint with those social cues. Not so much with the plastisol printed tee.

This is way too fucking vague bruh. Don't trust anyone? How about don't trust any light skinned'd black dudes with goatees? That makes a lot more sense to me. I certainly don't think everyone has to be included in your "trust" issues. I wouldn't trust you to sell me incense if you want my opinion.

Hood passes are something black people made up to trick other races into feeling more comfortable hanging around, so that said person would pay for things like dutches, chips, and Arizona Iced Teas.

Also, the look on your face is saying that you are not so sure if you have earned this "pass" as you call it. Let's test this theory out. Go to the Bronx and count the number of people that laugh at you before you order a cab. Divide that number by 2 and that will give you an accurate number to gauge your hoodness.

Finally, a shirt that isn't a complete lie. Yeah, you a cyber freak alright plehbwoy. I bet you get really freaky on there too. Probably friend request mad hoes and then try and status update some lyrics from a band you saw in her music favorites section on some subliminal shit. I bet if you do convince one of those poor girls to "meet up IRL?" for chai tea or whatever simp fuck shit idea you concoct you finna wear your best J's and get the matching scrunchie for your Tomala Favuso lookin ass pony tail.

The only way you are going to get your dick tugged wearing that shirt is if you get it stuck in a chinese finger trap.

End time 12:13 pm.

Boom.

SDTW Shurt Feelings #3

If I was smart and less apathetic I could make this feature into its own blog then turn said blog into a book deal. Then I would sell "ad space" in the form of the shirts by the brands I made fun on some subversive marketing shit.

After that I would take all that guap and transform myself into a pretty decent little coked up name dropper that would frequent parties in both LA and NY and try to explain to my friends that Pharrell is actually really cool in real life. I mean seriously, dude is hella down to earth.

BUT....

Instead, SDTW will remain semi-unknown and a blogspot and only appreciated by a few thousand stoners and the occasional wigger.

I digress...


Back to the fucking game.

Pick a shirt and say some shit about why it gives me a headache.

You might think that only white people are going to where a shirt so turrrible, but hold that thought cause mad Donald Glover slash Nick Cannon bruhs out there will cop this shit just to confuse naive whites into thinking they are trying to be ironic with the soft tee, but with a possible criminal background history. In other words this is a shirt you would see on an audience member in a Chappelle Show re-rerun at 3 a.m.

Nothing says o.g triple o.g like a faux-distressed vintage soft hand discharge water based soy ink Public Enemy tee shirt. Public Enemy is not some timeless band that your parents played in car rides to soccer practice. P.E was a group that you would only discover from someone's older brother (not mine, my brother fucked with U2, daily). Also at $35 dollars the only power you're gonna be fighting is the utilities company when you can't pay your studio apt electricity bill because you spent almost 50 bucks to try and look like you're older than 23.

When did they have the contest for worst thing ever? If they wanted me to know about said contest they should have bought ad space on Huffington Post. You might be like "Man, why you making fun of a little kindygardeners (that's how you spell it) drawing, dawg?"

Well, first off I'm jealous of you because you don't have the displeasure of knowing who the fuck Basquiat was and secondly, this was done by an adult and shown to people high on cocaine and AIDS in the 80's and now every time some asshole wants to sound like they know some "art shit" they bring up this dude's name.

Being good at keg stands is like being good at the yo-yo. Also, it turns out that this "beer" that all the college kids are so infatuated with is readily available at this store called THEWHOLEFUCKINGWORLD. You wanna impress me? Go to Ethiopia and be a cab driver and show those mother fuckers how we drive. J/K shout out to all my non-existent Ethiopian readers imagining what the internet is.

For people too cheap to find an ironic holiday sweater, but want to pay $35 to go to an ironic sweater party? That scenario is 100% impossible to even understand. It's like DMX not on drugs. I looked to see if there was a size option that said "false" cause this shit can't be real.

Give this to someone you hate.

SDTW Shurt Feelings #2

You know the game by now. Pick out some outstanding graphic tee shirts and discuss their merit.

Here we go...

At what point did rap/music fans start concerning themselves with the age of their money? Unless your last name is Carnegie or your grandpa looks like the Monopoly Man it's a safe bet all your money is in fact NEW money.

I am not actually concerned with the design on this shirt. I just think it's sort of worthwhile to show someone actually captured in real life wearing a Play Cloths tee shirt. I thought that brand was like the chupocabre or something. An urban myth if you will.

This dude is American, but they managed to capture the whole "Japanese teenager visiting LA in the summertime vibe" to the fucking t. I can just hear him asking for directions to Fairfax in broken engrish.

No..... believe me dawg! You may as well say your dick is sponsored by herpes and your breath is sponsored by sunlit dog shit. Wearing a talking t shirt of this magnitude is gonna end any hope you have of consensual sex. You couldn't get laid if you rode a bike with training wheels in front of Jerry Sandusky's crib sucking on an otter pop.

Again, not really concerned with the design. It's more of this dude's Good Times, light a incent vibe and listen to acoustic Dead Prez "vibez" that bothers me. I get the feeling this dude was really bummed when Common's hat line went belly up. I could be wrong.

SDTW Butt Hurt Disclaimer*

All press is good press

KARMALOOP