The Girl with the Drake Tattoo

Makes as much sense an anything else this year

Well damn – only a couple more of these to go and we are done with the year 2011. Onto twenty twelve – is your bunker well stocked and secure? I'm serious, mine is woefully inadequate at the moment, so I am looking for more prepared souls whom I can latch onto When the Shit Hits the Fan (hereafter referred to as WTSHTF, in case I may need to use it later on in this piece). Ah but that's alright, come what may, makes not a bit of difference. Right now I've got a fire going, two lazy dogs trading places beneath my feet, a good looking woman reading a novel on the couch, and a one-third full mug of stiff eggnog; and plenty more where that came from. Live in the moment, and this moment is pretty damn good.

A Bit of Politics

“Seeming to do is not doing.”

-Thomas A. Edison

I can't resist – the longer this Republican race goes on, the less able I am to avert my eyes. It reminds me of Charlie and the Chocolate factory, with all of the candidates riding along and being ejected, one by one, in these increasingly horrifying scenarios. Okay, well, really only Herman Cain has ejected in a truly dramatic fashion thus far – but there are so damned many of them! The potential is there! And then  that humanoid bobble-head “The Donald” comes jamming himself into the picture every so often, making preposterous statements, causing a ruckus, and then disappearing back behind the curtain; probably feeling like some kind of discombobulated Machiavelli. He's amazing though in that he doesn't actually do anything. Then, of course, there is the specter of Sarah Palin lurking back there somewhere. They really ought to just declare the “fuck it” ticket and run a Trump/Palin or vice-versa package. They could pay down the debt by broadcasting a reality television show from the White House – primo advertising; get some Kardashian style money that way. Didn't I mention something about WTSHTF earlier? In the immortal words of George W. Bush: “BRING IT ON!”

Curses and Passion

Oh fuck me. This is not the direction I'd intended to go with this column. But I didn't plan a direction when I started, and so now the energy is just going where it's going. That's what happens when you send energy off unfocused, undirected, leaderless. Passion makes for a great seduction, and passion can lead to a vicious and bloody killing spree. I used to really make a point of not using too much foul language in these columns, but at this point, what's the difference? I mean, some cracked out chick got DRAKE tattooed across her forehead, and some tattoo “artist” was willing to take her money to do that – so what genuine panic is an f-bomb here, or the s-word there, going to create?

There is nothing shocking anymore; not when there is death and mayhem, blood and putrefaction running on the nightly news. The year 2012 is almost upon us and we still haven't figured out how to solve our differences without tearing one another limb from limb. So Merry Fucking Christmas.

Here's an oldie of the author, post holiday panic